Hi. Assalamualaikum.
May each and every one of you whom love me, hate me and the
people around the world are in best condition and may Allah bless us all. Been
so long since I lasted blog, I miss blogging. Actually right after my last
paper the feeling to blog and expressing my thought strikes me so hard. But
then I neglected the feeling. For during that time I’m so busy with my
preparation to go back to home. Now that I’m home, I almost forgot about
everything. I was really happy with my family. Dad , mum and adie. Literally they
are all I have in this world. I should value them more than any of other
worldly things. Alhamdullilah Alhamdullilah. I’m a daughter I’m a sister and
being a first born is NEVER easy. I told you seriously. I am so fortune to
realize this earlier. Before it was too late. Alhamdullilah. My father was so
happy to see the change in me.
What’s changes did I made to myself. Well there
are too many. And Alhamdullilah they are all for good. I changed for the better
me. Alhamdullilah. I’m not saying that I’m good it just that I’m now a better
version of me. I’m not comparing myself to any other, I’m comparing myself to the old me.
Alhamdullilah before I die I got the chances to fix my wrongdoings, I chose to
leave the usual road that I took to travel. I try my hardest to forget
everything. I long for my parent and I was in a deep guilty to my siblings. I
treat them so damn badly. I never really lead them to the right way. As a
sister I had terribly failed to be their role model. As time goes by, this thought suddenly come and visit me. Let’s
say after I succeed what benefits would I generate from all the victories. As a
matter of fact, we’re all gonna die. All those achievement is useless after you
gone. I suddenly think about death. And it absolutely scares me to death. What
if I die today? I have never perform my salah, I was such a bad kid.
How am I
going to survive in my grave? How am I going to sleep soundly in my grave when
all my life I’ve been doing things that lead me to the hellfire. I’m not going
to rest in my grave. I will get punish for the thing I did. If I did good then
my grave will be a perfect place for me to rest until the day of resurrection.
Isn’t good to have a good rest after you been so tired working non-stop in
dunya. I thought about this thing.. I want to rest peacefully in my grave and
in order to win this I had to do good things in my life. And by good things I
mean , first thing first you have to obey you parents. Well, of course for me
even until now it’s still a hard thing to do. Sometimes when my mum said no and
my father mad at me I failed to react positively. I locked myself in room and
go out after two hours of rebel plus sulking in my style. Such a waste.. I
know.
But then I collected myself and get back to myself again. The next time I
try not to do it again and decide to just take it easy when my parent mad at
me. I read this one book, and the author said “try to avoid any argument when
it comes to your parent” respect you parent regardless of their age. Never try
to provoke them. Always remember “ Redha Allah , terletak pada redha kedua
orang tua” berbakti lah pada orang tua. Do good to them. My biggest respect and
my love are for my mum and dad for the rest of my life. InsyaAllah. And then in
order for me to have a better rest in the next life I need to do good in my
action...I believe most of us aware of this but then we always seem forget this fact. Even
though I knew all of these.. I still failed to do good. What a terrible person
am I. Sometimes I felt like want to just give up everything. You know give up
you five times daily prayer. Give up doing good deeds. Because sometimes I felt
like all of those good deeds I did was such a waste. But then I collected
myself again. *it's just a never ending cycle. all you have to do is be patient with a beautiful patient.
“Verily Allah doesn’t count on how the result will be.. What
count is the effort we put in” indeed Allah is the most merciful and the most
forgiver. Let’s just don’t give up on our salah. No matter how far we’ve
crossed the line always and always come back to the straight path. I always remind
myself of this.. apa apa di dunia ini kalau bukan berpaksi kan Dia yang maha
ESA. Maka sia sia la semuanya. Moga moga kita semua sentiasa di bawah rahmah
yang maha kuasa.. amin ya rabb.
Mudah kan mau buat baik. Jum la
sama amalkan.
P/s : bukan berkhutba cuba betuli
diri jua. Aku hanya lah pendosa tegar.. looking for Allah’s redha di bumiNYA.
